A Step-by-Step Guide to the Gottman Method
Have you and your partner found yourselves having the same conversation over and over again?
Perhaps communication has become difficult, trust has been damaged, or the demands of work, parenting, and everyday life have left you feeling more like housemates than partners.
If you’re considering couples counselling, marriage counselling, or relationship therapy, you’re already taking an important step towards understanding your relationship and exploring new ways to strengthen it.
How couple’s therapy can help
One of the questions we hear most often is:
“What actually happens in couple’s counselling?”
It’s a common question. Starting therapy can feel unfamiliar, particularly if you don’t know what to expect.
Couples counselling isn’t about deciding who is right or wrong. It’s about understanding the patterns that may be keeping you stuck, improving communication, and developing practical skills to strengthen your relationship.
At Attune Connect, we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, one of the world’s most extensively researched approaches to relationship counselling. Developed from more than 40 years of relationship research, the Gottman Method provides practical, evidence-based strategies that help couples strengthen friendship, navigate conflict more effectively, and build healthier relationships over time.
Here’s what you can typically expect.
Why we begin with understanding
Many couples seek counselling because they want change as quickly as possible. By the time people reach out for support, they’ve often been carrying relationship challenges for quite some time.
However, lasting change begins with understanding.
Every relationship has its own history, strengths, challenges, and ways of interacting. Rather than offering generic advice, we take time to understand your relationship before developing an individualised treatment plan.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase One: Understanding Your Relationship
The assessment phase helps build a comprehensive picture of your relationship. Rather than focusing only on the current concerns, we explore your relationship’s history, what has helped you stay connected, where difficulties have developed, and the strengths you already bring as a couple.
The assessment typically includes:
- One 60-minute session together
- One 30-minute individual session for each partner
- One 60-minute feedback and treatment planning session together
Before your first appointment
Before your first appointment, both partners complete the online Gottman Relationship Checkup.
The questionnaire takes approximately 30 minutes to complete and explores areas such as:
- Communication
- Conflict management
- Friendship and emotional connection
- Trust and commitment
- Shared values and goals
- Individual history
- Relationship strengths
- Areas of concern
There is currently a US$39 fee per couple for the online assessment.
Although the questionnaire is detailed, many couples tell us it encourages them to reflect on aspects of their relationship they hadn’t previously considered. It also provides valuable information before your first appointment, allowing your therapist to focus more quickly on the areas that matter most.
Think of it as creating a roadmap before beginning the journey.
Your Personalised Therapy Plan
After the assessment, you’ll meet with your therapist to discuss the findings and recommendations.
Together, you’ll explore:
- The strengths within your relationship
- Patterns that may be contributing to ongoing difficulties
- Your shared goals for therapy
- Practical recommendations for moving forward
This conversation is designed to help both partners develop a shared understanding of where the relationship is now and identify realistic goals for treatment.
During this session, your therapist will also discuss whether couples counselling is the most appropriate approach for your circumstances. In some situations, individual therapy or additional support may be recommended before commencing couples work.
If another approach is likely to better meet your needs, your therapist will explain the options and help you consider the most appropriate next steps.
Following the assessment, you and your partner can decide whether you’d like to continue working with your therapist. The decision is always yours.
Many couples describe this stage as the first time they’ve felt they’re looking at the same map rather than trying to solve different problems.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Two: Building New Relationship Skills
Once the assessment is complete, therapy focuses on developing practical skills that support healthier interactions.
Rather than simply talking about problems, sessions are designed to help you practise new ways of communicating, responding, and reconnecting.
Depending on your goals, therapy may help you:
- Communicate more effectively
- Manage disagreements with greater respect
- Repair conflict before it escalates
- Rebuild trust following relationship injuries
- Strengthen emotional connection
- Better understand one another’s needs
- Increase appreciation and friendship
- Develop shared goals for the future
Your therapist’s role is to facilitate constructive conversations, helping both partners slow interactions down, understand each other’s perspectives, and practise new skills within a supportive environment.
Healthy relationships aren’t free from conflict. Instead, they develop ways of managing differences while maintaining respect, emotional safety, and connection.
Why We Often Recommend Longer Initial Sessions
Many couples ask why our early treatment sessions are longer than a standard counselling appointment.
Beginning with 2-hour sessions often provides enough time to work through important conversations without feeling rushed.
These longer appointments allow couples to:
- Explore significant issues more thoroughly
- Learn and practise new communication skills
- Work through difficult conversations with therapist support
- Finish sessions feeling calmer and more connected
Many couples begin with approximately four longer sessions before transitioning to shorter weekly or fortnightly appointments.
Every relationship is different, and your treatment plan will be tailored to your individual needs.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Three: Maintaining Progress
Like any new skill, healthier relationship habits benefit from ongoing practice.
Once you’ve achieved your therapy goals, occasional follow-up sessions may help reinforce what you’ve learned and address smaller concerns before they become more difficult to manage.
These review sessions may occur:
- Monthly for a short period
- Every few months
- Every six months if appropriate
Many couples think of these appointments as routine relationship maintenance — an opportunity to continue investing in the relationship they’ve worked hard to strengthen.
Phase Four: Relapse Prevention
The final stage of therapy focuses on helping you maintain the progress you’ve made and prepare for future challenges.
Every relationship will experience periods of stress. Life events such as career changes, parenting, illness, financial pressures, or caring for ageing parents can place even strong relationships under strain. Relapse prevention is about recognising these challenges early and using the skills you’ve developed in therapy to respond constructively.
Together with your therapist, you’ll identify the strategies that have been most effective for your relationship and develop a plan for navigating future difficulties. This may include recognising early warning signs of disconnection, practising repair attempts during conflict, maintaining regular relationship check-ins, and continuing habits that strengthen friendship and emotional connection.
Rather than expecting your relationship to be conflict-free, the goal is to help you feel confident in your ability to work through challenges together.
For some couples, occasional review sessions provide an opportunity to refresh skills, celebrate progress, and address small concerns before they become more significant. Others may simply return for support if new life circumstances arise.
Just as we maintain our physical health through regular care rather than waiting until something goes wrong, relationships also benefit from ongoing attention. Relapse prevention is about helping you leave therapy with practical strategies, greater confidence, and the knowledge that support is available if you need it in the future.
If additional support would be helpful
Some couples benefit from additional resources alongside therapy. Depending on your circumstances, your therapist may recommend:
- Additional counselling sessions, either in person or online
- Books, podcasts, or educational resources
- Collaboration with another appropriately trained therapist if you’re relocating or require ongoing local support
- Other supports suited to your individual needs
The aim is to help ensure you have access to the support that’s most appropriate for your relationship.
Before you see your therapist
While waiting for your first appointment, one helpful suggestion is to consider calling a temporary truce.
This doesn’t mean ignoring important issues or pretending everything is okay. Instead, it means recognising that you’ve already taken the important step of seeking support and allowing space for those conversations to occur within therapy.
Giving yourselves permission to pause can sometimes reduce immediate stress while creating space for more thoughtful conversations during counselling.
Investing in Your Relationship
Healthy relationships require ongoing attention, communication, and a willingness to continue learning about one another as life changes.
Seeking couples counselling isn’t a sign that a relationship has failed. For many couples, it’s an opportunity to better understand each other, strengthen existing foundations, and develop practical skills that support a healthier relationship moving forward.
If you’re considering couples counselling and would like to learn more about the Gottman Method or our approach, we’re here to help. Contact Attune Connect to discuss your needs or arrange an initial appointment.
A Step-by-Step Guide to the Gottman Method
Have you and your partner found yourselves having the same conversation over and over again?
Perhaps communication has become difficult, trust has been damaged, or the demands of work, parenting, and everyday life have left you feeling more like housemates than partners.
If you’re considering couples counselling, marriage counselling, or relationship therapy, you’re already taking an important step towards understanding your relationship and exploring new ways to strengthen it.
How couple’s therapy can help
One of the questions we hear most often is:
“What actually happens in couple’s counselling?”
It’s a common question. Starting therapy can feel unfamiliar, particularly if you don’t know what to expect.
Couples counselling isn’t about deciding who is right or wrong. It’s about understanding the patterns that may be keeping you stuck, improving communication, and developing practical skills to strengthen your relationship.
At Attune Connect, we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, one of the world’s most extensively researched approaches to relationship counselling. Developed from more than 40 years of relationship research, the Gottman Method provides practical, evidence-based strategies that help couples strengthen friendship, navigate conflict more effectively, and build healthier relationships over time.
Here’s what you can typically expect.
Why we begin with understanding
Many couples seek counselling because they want change as quickly as possible. By the time people reach out for support, they’ve often been carrying relationship challenges for quite some time.
However, lasting change begins with understanding.
Every relationship has its own history, strengths, challenges, and ways of interacting. Rather than offering generic advice, we take time to understand your relationship before developing an individualised treatment plan.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase One: Understanding Your Relationship
The assessment phase helps build a comprehensive picture of your relationship. Rather than focusing only on the current concerns, we explore your relationship’s history, what has helped you stay connected, where difficulties have developed, and the strengths you already bring as a couple.
The assessment typically includes:
- One 60-minute session together
- One 30-minute individual session for each partner
- One 60-minute feedback and treatment planning session together
Before your first appointment
Before your first appointment, both partners complete the online Gottman Relationship Checkup.
The questionnaire takes approximately 30 minutes to complete and explores areas such as:
- Communication
- Conflict management
- Friendship and emotional connection
- Trust and commitment
- Shared values and goals
- Individual history
- Relationship strengths
- Areas of concern
There is currently a US$39 fee per couple for the online assessment.
Although the questionnaire is detailed, many couples tell us it encourages them to reflect on aspects of their relationship they hadn’t previously considered. It also provides valuable information before your first appointment, allowing your therapist to focus more quickly on the areas that matter most.
Think of it as creating a roadmap before beginning the journey.
Your Personalised Therapy Plan
After the assessment, you’ll meet with your therapist to discuss the findings and recommendations.
Together, you’ll explore:
- The strengths within your relationship
- Patterns that may be contributing to ongoing difficulties
- Your shared goals for therapy
- Practical recommendations for moving forward
This conversation is designed to help both partners develop a shared understanding of where the relationship is now and identify realistic goals for treatment.
During this session, your therapist will also discuss whether couples counselling is the most appropriate approach for your circumstances. In some situations, individual therapy or additional support may be recommended before commencing couples work.
If another approach is likely to better meet your needs, your therapist will explain the options and help you consider the most appropriate next steps.
Following the assessment, you and your partner can decide whether you’d like to continue working with your therapist. The decision is always yours.
Many couples describe this stage as the first time they’ve felt they’re looking at the same map rather than trying to solve different problems.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Two: Building New Relationship Skills
Once the assessment is complete, therapy focuses on developing practical skills that support healthier interactions.
Rather than simply talking about problems, sessions are designed to help you practise new ways of communicating, responding, and reconnecting.
Depending on your goals, therapy may help you:
- Communicate more effectively
- Manage disagreements with greater respect
- Repair conflict before it escalates
- Rebuild trust following relationship injuries
- Strengthen emotional connection
- Better understand one another’s needs
- Increase appreciation and friendship
- Develop shared goals for the future
Your therapist’s role is to facilitate constructive conversations, helping both partners slow interactions down, understand each other’s perspectives, and practise new skills within a supportive environment.
Healthy relationships aren’t free from conflict. Instead, they develop ways of managing differences while maintaining respect, emotional safety, and connection.
Why We Often Recommend Longer Initial Sessions
Many couples ask why our early treatment sessions are longer than a standard counselling appointment.
Beginning with 2-hour sessions often provides enough time to work through important conversations without feeling rushed.
These longer appointments allow couples to:
- Explore significant issues more thoroughly
- Learn and practise new communication skills
- Work through difficult conversations with therapist support
- Finish sessions feeling calmer and more connected
Many couples begin with approximately four longer sessions before transitioning to shorter weekly or fortnightly appointments.
Every relationship is different, and your treatment plan will be tailored to your individual needs.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Three: Maintaining Progress
Like any new skill, healthier relationship habits benefit from ongoing practice.
Once you’ve achieved your therapy goals, occasional follow-up sessions may help reinforce what you’ve learned and address smaller concerns before they become more difficult to manage.
These review sessions may occur:
- Monthly for a short period
- Every few months
- Every six months if appropriate
Many couples think of these appointments as routine relationship maintenance — an opportunity to continue investing in the relationship they’ve worked hard to strengthen.
Phase Four: Relapse Prevention
The final stage of therapy focuses on helping you maintain the progress you’ve made and prepare for future challenges.
Every relationship will experience periods of stress. Life events such as career changes, parenting, illness, financial pressures, or caring for ageing parents can place even strong relationships under strain. Relapse prevention is about recognising these challenges early and using the skills you’ve developed in therapy to respond constructively.
Together with your therapist, you’ll identify the strategies that have been most effective for your relationship and develop a plan for navigating future difficulties. This may include recognising early warning signs of disconnection, practising repair attempts during conflict, maintaining regular relationship check-ins, and continuing habits that strengthen friendship and emotional connection.
Rather than expecting your relationship to be conflict-free, the goal is to help you feel confident in your ability to work through challenges together.
For some couples, occasional review sessions provide an opportunity to refresh skills, celebrate progress, and address small concerns before they become more significant. Others may simply return for support if new life circumstances arise.
Just as we maintain our physical health through regular care rather than waiting until something goes wrong, relationships also benefit from ongoing attention. Relapse prevention is about helping you leave therapy with practical strategies, greater confidence, and the knowledge that support is available if you need it in the future.
If additional support would be helpful
Some couples benefit from additional resources alongside therapy. Depending on your circumstances, your therapist may recommend:
- Additional counselling sessions, either in person or online
- Books, podcasts, or educational resources
- Collaboration with another appropriately trained therapist if you’re relocating or require ongoing local support
- Other supports suited to your individual needs
The aim is to help ensure you have access to the support that’s most appropriate for your relationship.
Before you see your therapist
While waiting for your first appointment, one helpful suggestion is to consider calling a temporary truce.
This doesn’t mean ignoring important issues or pretending everything is okay. Instead, it means recognising that you’ve already taken the important step of seeking support and allowing space for those conversations to occur within therapy.
Giving yourselves permission to pause can sometimes reduce immediate stress while creating space for more thoughtful conversations during counselling.
Investing in Your Relationship
Healthy relationships require ongoing attention, communication, and a willingness to continue learning about one another as life changes.
Seeking couples counselling isn’t a sign that a relationship has failed. For many couples, it’s an opportunity to better understand each other, strengthen existing foundations, and develop practical skills that support a healthier relationship moving forward.
If you’re considering couples counselling and would like to learn more about the Gottman Method or our approach, we’re here to help. Contact Attune Connect to discuss your needs or arrange an initial appointment.
A Step-by-Step Guide to the Gottman Method
Have you and your partner found yourselves having the same conversation over and over again?
Perhaps communication has become difficult, trust has been damaged, or the demands of work, parenting, and everyday life have left you feeling more like housemates than partners.
If you’re considering couples counselling, marriage counselling, or relationship therapy, you’re already taking an important step towards understanding your relationship and exploring new ways to strengthen it.
How couple’s therapy can help
One of the questions we hear most often is:
“What actually happens in couple’s counselling?”
It’s a common question. Starting therapy can feel unfamiliar, particularly if you don’t know what to expect.
Couples counselling isn’t about deciding who is right or wrong. It’s about understanding the patterns that may be keeping you stuck, improving communication, and developing practical skills to strengthen your relationship.
At Attune Connect, we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, one of the world’s most extensively researched approaches to relationship counselling. Developed from more than 40 years of relationship research, the Gottman Method provides practical, evidence-based strategies that help couples strengthen friendship, navigate conflict more effectively, and build healthier relationships over time.
Here’s what you can typically expect.
Why we begin with understanding
Many couples seek counselling because they want change as quickly as possible. By the time people reach out for support, they’ve often been carrying relationship challenges for quite some time.
However, lasting change begins with understanding.
Every relationship has its own history, strengths, challenges, and ways of interacting. Rather than offering generic advice, we take time to understand your relationship before developing an individualised treatment plan.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase One: Understanding Your Relationship
The assessment phase helps build a comprehensive picture of your relationship. Rather than focusing only on the current concerns, we explore your relationship’s history, what has helped you stay connected, where difficulties have developed, and the strengths you already bring as a couple.
The assessment typically includes:
- One 60-minute session together
- One 30-minute individual session for each partner
- One 60-minute feedback and treatment planning session together
Before your first appointment
Before your first appointment, both partners complete the online Gottman Relationship Checkup.
The questionnaire takes approximately 30 minutes to complete and explores areas such as:
- Communication
- Conflict management
- Friendship and emotional connection
- Trust and commitment
- Shared values and goals
- Individual history
- Relationship strengths
- Areas of concern
There is currently a US$39 fee per couple for the online assessment.
Although the questionnaire is detailed, many couples tell us it encourages them to reflect on aspects of their relationship they hadn’t previously considered. It also provides valuable information before your first appointment, allowing your therapist to focus more quickly on the areas that matter most.
Think of it as creating a roadmap before beginning the journey.
Your Personalised Therapy Plan
After the assessment, you’ll meet with your therapist to discuss the findings and recommendations.
Together, you’ll explore:
- The strengths within your relationship
- Patterns that may be contributing to ongoing difficulties
- Your shared goals for therapy
- Practical recommendations for moving forward
This conversation is designed to help both partners develop a shared understanding of where the relationship is now and identify realistic goals for treatment.
During this session, your therapist will also discuss whether couples counselling is the most appropriate approach for your circumstances. In some situations, individual therapy or additional support may be recommended before commencing couples work.
If another approach is likely to better meet your needs, your therapist will explain the options and help you consider the most appropriate next steps.
Following the assessment, you and your partner can decide whether you’d like to continue working with your therapist. The decision is always yours.
Many couples describe this stage as the first time they’ve felt they’re looking at the same map rather than trying to solve different problems.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Two: Building New Relationship Skills
Once the assessment is complete, therapy focuses on developing practical skills that support healthier interactions.
Rather than simply talking about problems, sessions are designed to help you practise new ways of communicating, responding, and reconnecting.
Depending on your goals, therapy may help you:
- Communicate more effectively
- Manage disagreements with greater respect
- Repair conflict before it escalates
- Rebuild trust following relationship injuries
- Strengthen emotional connection
- Better understand one another’s needs
- Increase appreciation and friendship
- Develop shared goals for the future
Your therapist’s role is to facilitate constructive conversations, helping both partners slow interactions down, understand each other’s perspectives, and practise new skills within a supportive environment.
Healthy relationships aren’t free from conflict. Instead, they develop ways of managing differences while maintaining respect, emotional safety, and connection.
Why We Often Recommend Longer Initial Sessions
Many couples ask why our early treatment sessions are longer than a standard counselling appointment.
Beginning with 2-hour sessions often provides enough time to work through important conversations without feeling rushed.
These longer appointments allow couples to:
- Explore significant issues more thoroughly
- Learn and practise new communication skills
- Work through difficult conversations with therapist support
- Finish sessions feeling calmer and more connected
Many couples begin with approximately four longer sessions before transitioning to shorter weekly or fortnightly appointments.
Every relationship is different, and your treatment plan will be tailored to your individual needs.
[Insert Image Title]
[Insert Image Details – Artist / Attribution / Date, etc.]
Phase Three: Maintaining Progress
Like any new skill, healthier relationship habits benefit from ongoing practice.
Once you’ve achieved your therapy goals, occasional follow-up sessions may help reinforce what you’ve learned and address smaller concerns before they become more difficult to manage.
These review sessions may occur:
- Monthly for a short period
- Every few months
- Every six months if appropriate
Many couples think of these appointments as routine relationship maintenance — an opportunity to continue investing in the relationship they’ve worked hard to strengthen.
Phase Four: Relapse Prevention
The final stage of therapy focuses on helping you maintain the progress you’ve made and prepare for future challenges.
Every relationship will experience periods of stress. Life events such as career changes, parenting, illness, financial pressures, or caring for ageing parents can place even strong relationships under strain. Relapse prevention is about recognising these challenges early and using the skills you’ve developed in therapy to respond constructively.
Together with your therapist, you’ll identify the strategies that have been most effective for your relationship and develop a plan for navigating future difficulties. This may include recognising early warning signs of disconnection, practising repair attempts during conflict, maintaining regular relationship check-ins, and continuing habits that strengthen friendship and emotional connection.
Rather than expecting your relationship to be conflict-free, the goal is to help you feel confident in your ability to work through challenges together.
For some couples, occasional review sessions provide an opportunity to refresh skills, celebrate progress, and address small concerns before they become more significant. Others may simply return for support if new life circumstances arise.
Just as we maintain our physical health through regular care rather than waiting until something goes wrong, relationships also benefit from ongoing attention. Relapse prevention is about helping you leave therapy with practical strategies, greater confidence, and the knowledge that support is available if you need it in the future.
If additional support would be helpful
Some couples benefit from additional resources alongside therapy. Depending on your circumstances, your therapist may recommend:
- Additional counselling sessions, either in person or online
- Books, podcasts, or educational resources
- Collaboration with another appropriately trained therapist if you’re relocating or require ongoing local support
- Other supports suited to your individual needs
The aim is to help ensure you have access to the support that’s most appropriate for your relationship.
Before you see your therapist
While waiting for your first appointment, one helpful suggestion is to consider calling a temporary truce.
This doesn’t mean ignoring important issues or pretending everything is okay. Instead, it means recognising that you’ve already taken the important step of seeking support and allowing space for those conversations to occur within therapy.
Giving yourselves permission to pause can sometimes reduce immediate stress while creating space for more thoughtful conversations during counselling.
Investing in Your Relationship
Healthy relationships require ongoing attention, communication, and a willingness to continue learning about one another as life changes.
Seeking couples counselling isn’t a sign that a relationship has failed. For many couples, it’s an opportunity to better understand each other, strengthen existing foundations, and develop practical skills that support a healthier relationship moving forward.
If you’re considering couples counselling and would like to learn more about the Gottman Method or our approach, we’re here to help. Contact Attune Connect to discuss your needs or arrange an initial appointment.
